In my thoughts: Sexual Intercourse & South Sudan

It is no secret that most of the youth and adults in South Sudan are practicing sexual intercourse, and most of the time unprotected. We South Sudanese usually refuse to talk about any sexual matters with our children and that’s one of the reasons why the rate of young unmarried child mothers, child fathers and people who are living with HIV according to the recent research presented is quite high; because they have very little knowledge of the many consequences of sexual intercourse. We South Sudanese believe that such sensitive information a person is supposed to know, simply understand and should go by because it is instilled in his/her manners, culture and ethics. With that being said, even our schools refuse to explain to students in detail what the consequences of a sexual intercourse are, which includes producing a child, creating bigger responsibility, disappointment if before marriage and finally contracting many sexual transmitted infections (STI) and of course the incurable Lucifer HIV.

A question has been itching my brains for a while now, are we trying to say that we would rather deal with the consequences instead of preventing them? If not where are the HIV prevention campaigns? Why are you parents shy of talking to your children and educating them about what is most likely to happen after having sexual relations? Why are our schools not putting everything there is for children to know about sex in their syllabus? Because if we really wanted to prevent that’s where our focus would be rather than trying to help when it’s already too late. The earlier a person is educated the lower the risks become, other worlds are currently ahead of us because they most importantly do not lie to themselves. We tend to lie to ourselves and convince ourselves that our children, sisters, brothers, aunties, relatives, friends etc… are not sexually active, is that why we are not educating ourselves about the importance of protection? And if we are, are we doing our best to reach all parts of the nation? It’s as simple as driving a car, if you don’t wear the seatbelt to protect yourself, if an accident occurs, there will be damage and consequences that will affect you forever as a result of you not wearing that seatbelt.

Cultures, traditions, mindsets and even religion evolve, why you ask? Because as new generations are born they come with more open minds, they come and want to modernize the lifestyles of the old generations. The generation we live in today has evolved to where it’s becoming acceptable to do certain things in ways our grandparents would have never done, let’s not lie to ourselves by telling ourselves that cultures, manners, ethics, mindsets etc… are still the same because they absolutely aren’t. We must put all that we need to know in our books, billboards, stickers, events, conferences, hospitals etc… Create as much awareness as possible to save a future, & also a life.

Why “Junubiya”?

A friend asked me why I decided to name my Juba Monitor column and online blog “The Fierce ‘Junubiya’” she specifically asked “What does Junubiya mean and why exactly?” I was speechless because my personal history with that word “Junub” is very long, so I decided to share with all of you my reasons as to why I chose to be the fierce “Junubiya”.

Junubiya comes from the Arabic word “Junub” which means South. In Arabic the reference of a word to a male and female are most of the time different, like for a male you’d say Junubi, and for a female you’d say Junubiya, while in English it is one word for both which is “Southerner”.

My history with the word “Junubiya began while I was in primary school. Back then the two Sudans weren’t yet seperated. My Northern Sudanese school mates used to insult me by calling me Junubiya, why? Because I looked different. My nappy short African hair made me look different, my dark skin made me look different, even my height to them was perceived to be very strange, so they used their opinions about my appearance against me. They used it to belittle me. And they allowed me for a period of my life think that I was ugly, just because I came from the South, to be more specific from South Sudan. Just like other people who can relate, I became insecure. I felt absolutely hurt when someone called me Junubiya which happened quite often. Thank God for my backbone, my parents, their strength made it easier. They reminded me to be proud of our rich heritage. Despite their strength, I still believed having nappy hair made me ugly, I believed having dark skin made me ugly, and I also believed that being tall made me ugly. Years later, I got over my insecurity and had started convincing myself that I’m beautiful because my parents told me so, that was my point of strength. Yet I think the weakness was still within me because when I looked at myself in the mirror I still saw the flaws, I still saw the ugly Junubiya.

Few years later when I became a teenager, I saw South Sudanese supermodel Alek Wek on the Vogue website. They called her beautiful, gorgeous and they said her skin was flawless. I started seeing the beauty in me because someone else found beauty in someone else who looked like me. I remember during that time I started to change my perceptions about myself.  I decided to take my “weaknesses” and make them my strength. I started seeing unique instead of different, I started seeing beauty instead of ugly, and I started seeing the beauty of my dark skin. Little did I know that as I changed my perceptions I also began to change I other peoples’ perceptions.  They saw me the way I started seeing myself: Confident, Embracing of my black skin, proud of my short, natural, hair. I also didn’t mind being called a Junubiya anymore because I knew I was a beautiful, unique, tall, strong African woman. Once I discovered the beauty in me, I was only ashamed, ashamed that I ever thought God made a mistake in creating this image of me.  Ashamed that I wasn’t proud to be a Junubiya at one point in my life. And  ashamed that I felt insecure being an African beautiful woman.

And this is how the “The Fierce Junubiya” came about.  Fierce:  thunderous, strong, confident etc… and Junubiya is who I am.  I am nappy, I am tall, I am black, I am beautiful and I am very proud. And I decided to create The Fierce Junubiya column and blog to be a voice and empower other fierce Junubiyas.  To help all of us see the beauty in our own beauty, the beauty of being a Junubiya.  

My name is Eva, I am Junubiya :)

xo 

Unnecessary Voices: South Sudan Crisis

It’s one thing to have an opinion and another to incite violence and I’m starting to think some of us are confusing the two. Over the past 4 weeks South Sudan has been under crisis, crisis that killed many, injured many, displaced many, oppressed many and depressed many. One way or another we have all been affected by the ongoing crisis, and I completely understand that we are all under very stressful days that we might say one or two things out of anger about the ongoing crisis. I also understand that social networks are almost a therapy session for most of us as it is a way to able to air out your feelings and many in the same situation would understand, comfort you and make you feel better. And I can also say that I understand some of us felt the need to put out an opinion to be discussed or maybe feelings to be relieved, I also understand that. What I do not understand is someone who has less experience with the ongoing crisis (meaning someone who wasn’t / isn’t even present during the crisis) inciting violence and war over social networks, I keep asking myself whether its because they are not in South Sudan right now and their lives are not at stake? Or maybe because they did not experience that fear when we in Juba were hearing gunshots, bombs and heavy fighting for continuous 3 days? Maybe its because they aren’t at the frontlines in Bor / Bentiu / Malakal trying to flee for their lives? I just can’t find the reason why someone would promote violence and war in a place they’re not even present within, even worse… some place they’re supposed to call home.

No, we are all not happy about the lives lost, No we are not alright with the injured, no we are not okay with the children made orphans, no we are not at all ignoring the matter at hand but yes, we do know better than to be inciting violence or war, why? Oh I’m guessing you weren’t there either, because we’ve experienced war, we know what its capable of, violence was never the answer, we’ve been there before we know its not the answer.

Shame on you for promoting war instead of peace, shame on you for asking a brother to hurt another, for asking your family to turn on one another, SHAME ON YOU. Be a better person than that, stop promoting war and if you can’t stop… For the sake of humanity, I ask you to remain silent. 

Skin Bleaching in Juba

Since I was young, my parents taught me everything I know today about skin care without realizing. I was born in a household where you use regular products that you are aware of its ingredients and that are not harmful for your skin or your health. My parents taught me life lessons by either reason or experience, they will inform you that the fire is hot and if you touch it you will get burnt (reason) but if you still insist they will allow you touch the fire so will you learn to never touch it again (experience). With that being said I am a proud 21 year old dark skinned lady, in my younger years I had my insecurities about my skin but I was blessed with fantastic parents whom never failed to acknowledge how smooth, shiny and special my skin was, I don’t know if they were trying to avoid me from skin bleaching or they were just being the good parents they are but either way it worked, I never skin bleached; my mind was set on that my skin tone is beautiful the way it was because my parents don’t lie.  I learned about skin bleaching very early because it was like a disease, everyone was using skin bleaching products to lighten their skin, they were so hypnotized by the idea of “lighter skin” that they didn’t even pay attention to the side effects that everyone could see but them.

Skin Bleaching is basically where people use chemical products to lighten their skin for whatever reasons they may have. Let me make it clear that I am not shedding light on this obvious issue to judge but I am pointing it out to educate. Since I came back to Juba skin bleachers have certainly developed in number, even worse the side effects of ugly scars and skin damage are all over people’s faces and bodies. Although some skin bleaching products are very good for getting rid of dark spots or skin discoloration, other products are rather very harmful and have the potential of causing skin cancer. With that being said it is important that you educate yourself about that product you are purchasing before using, better yet consult a specialist. Some of these harmful side effects I have mentioned in addition to Skin Cancer and scars are: Acne, swelling of the skin, thinning of the skin, Cataracts, setting down of fat in the face, chest or stomach, increase in appetite and weight gain, Osteoporosis, neurological and kidney damage due to high level of mercury used in the creams, Psychiatric disorders, and severe birth defects. And that is only according to my knowledge, I am sure according to specialists and others with experience there are more side effects caused by skin bleaching.

Why do people usually skin bleach? It is believed that people with lighter skin represent beauty, and get better opportunities with jobs and a better life. Youngsters today skin bleach believing they will be in better company or finally fit in with the cool groups, women believe they will get better men and of course skin bleaching commercials are not helping in changing that mindset, neither is the absence of parents from their children’s lives where the children miss out on the two people that supposedly love them the most telling them they are beautiful just the way they are.

In my opinion you will get a good job because you are educated, a better job because you are hardworking, creative and intelligent. You should want to be in the company of those who inspire, encourage and push you to achieve your dreams and goals in life not want to be in the “cool” circle that needs you to be a certain skin tone to qualify/fit in (that is just sad). And finally you will get a man my dear sister because you know the kind of man you want, that man who respects and values you, that man who you will hold your head up high telling your father “I want to marry this man”, that man whose ethics and manners you want to see in your future son, that man who wants to change your last name not your skin tone.

I have mentioned before that my knowledge and life lessons which half of I learned from my parents through reason or experience, I have given you reason to avoid bleaching (Side effects and My opinion) and I believe when you walk around the streets of Juba and see the many skins that were damaged by skin bleaching products I believe I have given you the experience of another to avoid your own. 

Days Like This I Get Homesick

Happy Easter Young World,

While skyping with my siblings earlier on, we started reminiscing Easter back home, one of the few days our mother didn't have to wake us up because we got so excited about the day we woke up early to go to church. The day my mother made so many dishes for lunch inviting relatives to spend the happy day with.

I remember playing football with my siblings right before lunch patiently waiting on my Father to get back home because once he did, it was like Christmas, he brought our favorite deserts --> My sisters LOVED Ice Cream, I have always been a Chocolate person and my brothers wanted no business with anything that doesn't have meat(LOL)!

I remember passing food around the table, I always sat next to my father because I loved listening to his stories, most of the time that one story of how he was such a good boxer and a fast runner in his early days, I believed him because when he played football with us, he was very fast. My mother would also share with us stories of sharing and caring for others, giving back and what Easter is all about, I loved those stories too.

After lunch, me and my siblings get back to playing football, it was something we all had love for. I remember my father joining us while my mother sat outside with her book watching us play. Easter has always been one of my favorite days with family.

This Easter I didn't have that but I have all the memories and great stories so it could never loose its meaning to me =).

What is your Easter always like?

#Fabulosity

The fabulous Kimora Lee Simmons was in Malaysia not so long ago promoting her book #Fabulosity. She hosted an event "High Heeled Warriors" where she shared a little on what the book is about, I was blessed enough to have been there and also meet her in person. My 1st impression of her wasn't what I expected it to be, I am used to being the tallest around but WOW! She was quite tall, elegant & very friendly.

I recently finished reading the book Fabulosity & trust, it is not just Fashion, its basically everything. Kimora being a mix of black & Asian had put her through a few hard times throughout her childhood, the reason why I love the book is its empowering to every woman out there, it speaks every woman's language & for that I give her a standing ovation. 

Fabulosity Cover page

My favorite part of the book is how after each chapter she shared a couple of quotes that have inspired her and could inspire another soul, quotes of many around the world, whether Models/designers/stylists/musicians/actors etc... I think I've read quite a number of books by models or watched documentaries, Kimora's had a different flavor, it had a little extra & that's why its worth a read ; )...

If you haven't read the book yet, it should be on your to do list =)!  

With Kimora Lee Simmons & dear friends

High Heeled Warriors Event

The Art That Black Beauty Creates...

The art that your, my and their color creates,
The art that only me and you can make,
The art that no one can fabricate,
The art that's most valued
because only in me and you its found.

The beauty that the all mighty created
The beauty that I value, appreciate and will always represent
The beauty that's so exotic that I find no words to be said
The beauty where you look in the mirrior & feel different,
not knowing the difference is that you stand out from the rest. 

  Realize that the foundation of your beauty is you, 

Don't wait for someone to tell you

Know it for its true. 

Do me a favor: Find a Mirror & say this out loud: 

"I am a living piece of art because black is beauty".

I love black beauty, I carry it & never failed to proudly represent it, I want you to as well that's why I chose to share this poem with you, I wrote a while back & I read it several times a week, why? because I believe it. I hope you enjoyed.

p.s If you have any such poems, do share, I would love to read through. 

Love,

Eva